Is this the Scariest Clown of All Scary Clowns?

At least of all Scary Clowns riding tiny, tiny tricycles.

Just look at this guy!

He's the corpsiest clown ever. Even if you're not scared of clowns, you should be scared of this guy.

Taxidermy from the Four Corners region of Colorado

 This fox was in the window of an antique mall in Pagosa Springs, CO. 

 This bear was in the Lake City, CO Historical Museum, repository of many fine artifacts relating to the Alferd Packer cannibalism case. The bear, which has nothing to do with old Alferd or his dietary idiosyncrasies, stands only about four feet tall. (More on Packer soon!) 

And this baby ostrich stands in what might be described as an antique store or a flea market in Del Norte, CO, operated by a genial old fellow who used to run an ostrich farm. He also once built his own coffin prior to open heart surgery, which he survived. The coffin is standing up in the middle of the store and took him just a few hours to build. If you ever get to Del Norte he's a very good conversationalist and has some odd things for sale. Who doesn't need a stuffed baby ostrich?

Buffalo Remains and the Saddest Piñata in the World

I've been very aware that my taxidermy-related posts have of late been lacking. So here are two shots of a pretty moth-eaten buffalo (Bison bison, for you scientific types):
 
Here's a plucky-looking dog, from the same undisclosed location in Kentucky:

 And their friend, Mr. Trout:

 And, finally, the Saddest Piñata in the World:

Dire Wolf Barks Hello

A whole bunch of Dire Wolf (Canis dirus) skulls on display at the La Brea Tar Pits in Los Angeles:

Taxidermied Sewer Rats, Twenty-five Years On

 Here's what the Arouze Pest Control company in Paris looks like today.....

 And here it is around 1985. As you can see the muskrats at the bottom of the display have been moved over to the other side, and the hanging sewer rats raised.

And here's a closeup of the right side:

Human Remains for Sale, Paris, 1985

I'll bet that headline is going to get me some interesting Google searches. This skeletal hand and its companion foot were on sale at a bookstall on the Left Bank of the Seine in that halcyon summer of 1985:

Sorry I've been backsliding this week! I've been busy scanning and cleaning up old negatives like this one. Tomorrow I head for Oxford, Mississippi to talk to my friend Jack Pendarvis's class about Wichita in the 1940s, thence to Atlanta, Georgia to record some video with my friend Lane Davies, thence to Columbia, Tennessee to see my cousin Lindsey Page and then to Nashville to visit Roy Acuff's Record Store! So believe you me I will have lots to blog about.

Creepy Creepy Old West Waxwork Figures

 These used to be at the always fascinating Pink Elephant Antique Mall in Livingston, IL, where I have picked up many an interesting bit of Americana.
 
I think they came from a wax museum or Old West theme park that went out of business. They weren't in the best of shape by the time I took these pics.

I think this one's supposed to be Jesse or Frank James. His shirt needs washing, in either case.

 Those gloves are empty! Plus the left arm seems to have become disconnected from the shoulder, adding to the walking-dead vibe.

Buffalo Bill and Annie Oakley are somewhat better preserved, at least from a few feet away.

Uh-oh--that buckskin's looking a little frayed. Let's get a better look at Miss Jane-- 

 Good lord! She has the eyebrows of a Yeti! Let's look a bit closer at Bill:

GAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaahhhhHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Back away, hellspawn!

 That's better. A little better. Still he looks like a cadaver painted up by a frontier undertaker after a week in the hot sun.

 And this feller was the only one not for sale (see sign.) He's the only one not made of wax, and he has his own wheelchair!

 I suspect this is why he wasn't for sale: Look at his mouth. Peer inside. Yes, that's right--he talks!
I took these pictures a few years ago, and the other figures are gone--probably sold--

--but the Old Timer is still there at the Pink Elephant, greeting customers as they come in through the door. Pay him a visit if you're traveling I-55 through Illinois.

Illinois Haunted House

 After dropping my kid off at camp this summer Mrs. Phillips and I passed by this Haunted House attraction in rural Illinois.

 I imagine that in-season this portasign is illuminated and marked with directions. Or maybe it isn't. Maybe it just sits there.

 "In season" would be right about now. I should go up there and check it out! Or you should.

 Here's the sign you see as you're driving away. See the tiny little car next to it for scale!

That's all I have in terms of rural haunted house attractions.

Portions for Taxidermied Foxes

 From an Antique Mall in Michigan, a fox kept on a high shelf that made him difficult to photograph:

 Even at this angle, though, you can tell he's a bit moth-eaten:

Here's a prettier one from the flea market at Porte de Clignancourt in Paris, circa 1986:

 

And look, he's got flowers in his mouth. Just like a real fox.

Good Taxidermy

Mrs. Phillips and I, on the way home from dropping our little one off at camp, stopped in Champaign-Urbana, Illinois, to see my elementary school pal Barry "Manolo" Sanders and his significant other Chantelle, and while there we went to the "Blind Pig" Brew Pub, wherein hangs this magnificent Gnu head.

ALL HAIL THE GNU!

Also, the Blind Pig makes some lovely beers.

Dead Coyote

From the attic of an antique mall in Alton, Illinois, a rather sad-looking coyote.

He almost looks tame! I wish I'd taken a better close-up picture of him and his bedraggled lower jaw and broken ear.

 Now compare him with his fierce relation in some town I passed through in the Kansas Flint Hills sometime in the eighties:

 

Double Bonus! On the floor to the right is a coyote rug, and in the shadows of the upper right-hand corner, there's a bobcat. Bobcats are increasingly important to this blog.

I seem to recall I was passing through late on a Sunday afternoon and the whole town was shut down and spooky. I'd say this was the scariest sporting goods store in America.

ANGRY BOBCATS!

 He's ANGRY!

 He's in an antique mall in St. Charles, MO, if you want to take him home. And here's another one from a place not far from my house:

It's the same place that had the painting of Good Monk/Bad Monk! If you're looking for stuffed bobcats, I can help.

Finally, the Weirdest Gift I Ever Received

Sorry for all the delays. I'd like to claim that I was busy but the fact is I've been too freaked out by the sinister vibes emitted by this anniversary gift from my wife to have much enthusiasm for taking the thing out of its box:



She told me I'd be creeped out by it. "I doubt it," I said. When I started unwrapping it, my first guess was that it was a piece of antique stereoscopic equipment. Then I thought: Welding goggles?



But no, the lens covers were perfectly opaque--metal painted black--and in any case the turrets held no glass. I was baffled, at least until my wife bade me read the card that came with it:



So that explains the sweat stains in the leather. How many men died wearing these, I wonder?