She told me I'd be creeped out by it. "I doubt it," I said. When I started unwrapping it, my first guess was that it was a piece of antique stereoscopic equipment. Then I thought: Welding goggles?
But no, the lens covers were perfectly opaque--metal painted black--and in any case the turrets held no glass. I was baffled, at least until my wife bade me read the card that came with it:
So that explains the sweat stains in the leather. How many men died wearing these, I wonder?
That is a gift clearly marinated in the juices of love. You are a lucky man, Mr. Phillips.
ReplyDeleteHow do you get people to send you this stuff?
ReplyDeleteMichelle, I really don't know. My brother actually told my wife "You think he really wants to own those, or does he just like the idea of stuff like that?" She bought them anyway, because how could you not?
ReplyDeleteThe good lady has truly out-done herself. Kudos.
ReplyDeleteShe is definitely not someone you found on clearance at Wife Barn.
ReplyDeleteIf you put them on and go to sleep, you will dream the thoughts of the dying men.
ReplyDeleteI hope.
OMG - so perfectly creepy! Gotta love that Anne, cuz she obviously lurves you!
ReplyDeleteAlso, "Wife Barn!" PML!
I know as much has already been said, but your marriage is now the standard to which I will hold all of my future relationships.
ReplyDeleteHope my own wife doesn't see this, lest she get the insane idea this is a perfectly acceptable alternative to the Harley on my wish list.
ReplyDeleteScott, you have to wear these for your next author photo!
ReplyDeleteI like the fact that they were clearly executing so many men that it was cost-effective to have these made, rather than simply improvising with handkerchiefs when the need arose.
ReplyDeleteYou'll never need to utter the words, "My wife doesn't understand me."
ReplyDeleteLucky bastard.
I almost forgot to ask: do they still work?
ReplyDeletePretty fuckin' awesome. Please introduce your wife to mine at B-Con.
ReplyDeleteI wear a plain black mask to keep out the light when I sleep. I'm not sure this dingus would do much for my slumber.
ReplyDelete==========================
Detectives Beyond Borders
"Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"
http://www.detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/
Peter Rozovsky, when you say "I'm not sure this dingus would do much for my slumber" I think you're being too dogmatic. It's all a question of how deeply you sleep.
ReplyDeleteIf you sleep six feet under, for instance, I can't see it being a problem. Plus, the goggles are plainly contoured for comfort.
Embrace the unfamiliar! Live a little!
Me thinks she is trying to tell you something.
ReplyDeleteThree pieces of advice - Do not eat the food she prepares. Buy pre-packed food in a sealed package that cannot be interfered with.
Sleep with one eye open and do not wear the blinders.
Check the house for weaponry of any kind.
Very cool gift. I want a pair now.
ReplyDeleteWow!! How cool. Almost as good as an Ed Gein ashtray. Where the fuck did she get it? And where did you get her? What a gal!!!! Randy T.
ReplyDeleteWhy a flip lens if the target is to be blinded?
ReplyDeleteAny chance this was for the shooters, so that
they could sight the gun at rest, then flip the lens and not have to see the results or be less likely to sense if they had the blank shell?
Dan, you have a point there....I think you've nailed it.
ReplyDeleteOh my god. I recently purchased these VERY SAME GOOGLES at an antique store in Minneapolis,MN. I thought they were so weird. I just had to have them sort of a thing. I was planning on using them as part of my steampunk costume for a wedding next weekend, but now, I'm totally spooked by them. I'm glad to know the history however!
ReplyDeleteI just found this! I hope this doesn't disappoint you! http://www.masonic-lodge-of-education.com/masonic-hoodwink.html
ReplyDeleteWow! Thanks for the info.....I almost like them better now, knowing exactly what they are....Guess I should post a correction
ReplyDelete