Finally, the Weirdest Gift I Ever Received

Sorry for all the delays. I'd like to claim that I was busy but the fact is I've been too freaked out by the sinister vibes emitted by this anniversary gift from my wife to have much enthusiasm for taking the thing out of its box:



She told me I'd be creeped out by it. "I doubt it," I said. When I started unwrapping it, my first guess was that it was a piece of antique stereoscopic equipment. Then I thought: Welding goggles?



But no, the lens covers were perfectly opaque--metal painted black--and in any case the turrets held no glass. I was baffled, at least until my wife bade me read the card that came with it:



So that explains the sweat stains in the leather. How many men died wearing these, I wonder?

Four unusual gifts, in order of strangeness: Part Two

This one you should really click on to savor the detail. It's a gift from my close pal and confidante Megan Abbott, to whom I had recently confessed a liking for ladies with prominent teeth. I recently wrote a short story about a guy with a tooth fetish, so when she saw this she felt she had to send it along.

And now I ask myself: Is this a facet of my inner life that I would have shared with the world before the advent of this blog? No, I think it is not.

Four unusual gifts, in order of strangeness: Part One

Every day I eagerly await the arrival of the day's mail, even though there's almost never anything for me. Imagine my surprise and delight yesterday, then, when I received three packages addressed to me, and all of them gifts. The above Natty Boh t-shirt was the least weird of the bunch, so I'm starting with it. It's from my friends Jeff and Jane of Baltimore, and I am delighted to wear it here. The other two will come up on the site in the next few days, followed by the weirdest of all, an anniversary present from my wife. It will freak you out.