Friday, August 6, 2010

A Nostalgic Latex-Novelty Related Anecdote

From a very old friend who wishes, understandably, to remain anonymous, a remembrance called forth from the past by the Proustian madeleine of my recent Novelty Dispenser posting:

"In 1971, when I was a naive 9 year old, I bought a "French tickler" from a dispenser, thinking it was some kind of novelty candy. Boy, was I disappointed--and bewildered. I mean, what a ripoff for 25 cents. But it had to have SOME purpose, right? So I kept it and put it in my sock drawer, until I could discern its purpose. Over the next few weeks, my father's suspicions were aroused when he realized I was asking a lot of pointed questions of people, including his parents when they came for a visit ("Gramma, do you know what a French tickler is?"). Finally, my dad asked to see what I was talking about.
He asked where I'd gotten it, gave some lame explanation of its purpose (so lame even a naive 9 year old could tell it was bullshit), then took it from me, saying that it was something a young boy shouldn't have.
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered it a few days later while emptying the trash. It was all stretched out and wet. I couldn't understand why he would have lied to me just so he could use it (whatever that use was)--all he had to do was ask me!"


  1. Dude, you look like the mutant offspring of Andrew Stevens and Brian Cox in that photo.

    Why don't you tell the rest of the story about how you rescued said soiled treasure from the waste basket and kept it as your "banky" for the next few years until divining its true purpose then doing all the math required to understand how messed up those years had actually been?

    Thank God you have finally found a forum for these confessions (even if it is under the guise of a mysterious "friend"). I think your future will be brighter for having come to this worldwide forum for the purging.

    We're here for you, man.


  2. Thanks, Scott. The photo is hilarious!

  3. What did that kid give his pop for Father's Day that year?
    Detectives Beyond Borders
    "Because Murder Is More Fun Away From Home"

  4. When I next encounter the word 'testicles', Scott, I'll be thinking of your French-inspired epistle (or should I say e-pizzle).

    Like TL mentioned, we're here to help you relive the traumas of the past, except constructively this time: relieving rather than reliving.

    Good luck with the continued recovery of your memories!